A few thoughts
June 1, 2010
1. I will not be sick. I will not be sick again. I will not be sick all of the time. Oh wait, yes I will. But not right this second. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one.
2. I miss my daughter. My life is a bit of a nothing when she’s gone for the summer. Not that I can’t have fun, but it’s a bit purposeless if you don’t count the activities from #1.
3. It’s hard to be excited about a baby that makes you throw up your toenails. Not that I’ve eaten them, just that this pregnancy is a force of nature.
4. My mom is down helping clean up the oil spill. I think the oil spill is horseshit. I’m glad their stock is going down. Someone ought to punch someone else in the nose. A bar fight doesn’t count. I don’t like my mom being gone.
5. The power going out for no good reason in the middle of the night apparently still makes me convinced we’re being assaulted by a massive burglary ring right at that moment.
6. I’ve already lost 10 pounds with this pregnancy. A fact that brings me the only small amount of happiness I’ve had so far since the hyperemesis kicked in. I know that this method of thought is sick and twisted.
7. I don’t like anyone that’s healthier than I am right now.
8. I am a world class vomiter.
9. If I ever get pregnant again, it will be because the sperm is housing some DNA for a future superhero that can swim past any and all barricades.
10. I have nothing interesting to say for #10 because I am once again concentrating hard on not throwing up.
11. Oh! Why is it that I NEVER want to talk about bathroom poops and whatnot, but have no trouble describing anything and everything to do with my so-called vomiting life? weird.
Repost.
May 12, 2010
I hate what’s happening to my backside.
I have always had a large ass, but now, without gaining any weight whatsoever, I am now the proud owner of a muumuu ass.
Which.
I know you know what that means.
It’s an ass that starts at my shoulderblades and has no end – at least not an end that anyone can see because who can focus on trying to find an end to that thing when they’re trying just to be in the same room with it without being squished to death against a wall somewhere?!!?
I’m so pissed about this.
Mom helped me feel better about it though… by grabbing my newly growing baby belly and moving it all around to see how the fat makes it dance. Over and over again.
Yep. That definitely helped my self confidence levels.
Power of Suggestion – Illogical suggestions.
January 27, 2010
Power of suggestion has always had way too big of a hold on me.
If you suggest a certain meal, more than half the time the suggestion will sit in my mind until I’m drooling over something I wasn’t in the mood for before that conversation.
The mere mention of things, both good and bad, songs and stories, stay with me for days – sometimes forever.
Worries more so than anything – I’m a paranoid person by nature, worrying about everyone I love and wishing that I had the power to protect the ones I love from anything that could go wrong in their lives.
I can’t.
But I worry about myself too.
And when I started getting sick this week I discovered a new paranoia and a new part of being married.
The Baby Phenomena.
Logic would tell folks that with my husband and I being separated the majority of the time that getting pregnant is somewhat low on the probabilities list.
However, when you’re a newlywed, apparently probabilities don’t matter that much as Every Single Person close to me has asked me ‘Are you PREGNANT?’ when I’ve mentioned my nausea.
Including my husband.
What? He’s been there every single time I thought of… eating Jello.
So, surely he knows… just how much Jello I’ve had and the odds of that… Jello making me sick.
Right?
But, apparently, if you’re a newlywed, a female and sick – that is The Most Logical Cause.
I’ve been home a week from Minneapolis and the paranoia had begun.
A visit to the grocery yielded chicken soup, applesauce and pepperoni.
The smell of frying potatoes almost sent me outside to hide.
But, this morning I woke up feeling very differently, a little silly, and completely glad that I know this about myself and don’t have to worry for the next two weeks.
You know.
As long as someone else doesn’t mention it again.
Should I decide to undergo a career change…
January 11, 2010
While I’ve enjoyed many aspects of my ever-changing life, especially during these three whole months of marriedness, one thing that I have NOT enjoyed is changing my name.
Not that I don’t like my new last name.
I do.
I just like it better after Nick’s first name. It’s familiar and comforting that way.
Much less so after my name, which is why I’ve chosen to go by my full name instead of abbreviating. A mixture of comfort and familiarity combined with new exciting future.
After all, 30 years of one name doesn’t make the jump any easier… especially for one as stubborn as me.
Mostly it’s fine and dandy.
Sometimes… it’s just a litany of repeated spellings and pronunciations.
Today though – a bit of humor to go along with the incorrectness of it all.
A client called in to the 1-800 number at work requesting to speak to me… only. Not me.
Instead of “Alisha Labello” this client requested “Lisa Libido.”
Luckily the operator didn’t put two and two together until a moment or so after the frustrated client hung up – or one might have had to cue the 70s disco music.
My advice to Amanda.
December 29, 2009
As stated by Greg Howard at www.greghoward.net:
“Truth in Advertising
I’ve seen a lot of ads and articles lately for tips on getting in shape prior to one’s wedding day. And I guess I just think that’s a really awful idea. When you stand up there and make your vows, you’re vowing to accept and love the other person as they are. So the last thing you want to do is lose weight or get plastic surgery or something. Rather, you want to look the way that you’re likely be during the marriage itself, because that’s only fair.
If I were to get married, I would get all method actor about it. I’d gain fifty pounds, lose my job, and drag my James Bond DVD collection around with me in a backpack. I’d greet my fiancee at the altar: ‘Hey babe, this is gonna be fun! And after we’re done with this vow thing, do you think you can loan me a hundred bucks? I need to finish paying the caterer.’”
Link, to CMA.
More than meets the eye. No. Really.
December 17, 2009
A demise of a relationship always leaves you with something.
Sometimes useless physical things that do nothing but invite reminders of the couple you used to be a part of.
Sometimes more mental things – a distaste for a certain football team, an inability to visit certain places.
Today, I learned of one of my prior relationships’ legacies.
I am unable to buy a cheap Transformers figurine.
My daughter is a huge fan of the new movies and while I am… less than… I have definitely enjoyed the action sequences they have provided.
One of her requests this year is a version of Bumblebee.
Shouldn’t be a problem, right?
Everyone loves the movies and Bumblebee.
Except that it is.
An ex of mine was toy crazy.
And I mean. CRAZY.
Hundreds of metal collectibles – all taking me back to various points in my life and bringing me to a new appreciation level of the delights of collectible-quality Transformers…
Which aren’t cheap.
And tend to be Japanese.
And because the movie version isn’t the Real Version, aren’t easy to find.
The alternative?
To buy the Hasbro version.
To go to Target.
To spend $10 and call myself DONE with that particular chore.
But I can’t.
I can’t.
Have you seen the faces of those toys?
Cheap. Plastic. Icky.
My disdain for them keeps me from fulfilling this small wish.
It provokes a physical reaction in me.
I like to buy quality – I only like to buy an item once.
Not 1232 of the same cheap item.
So.
…
So, I suppose Bumblebee will NOT be under the tree this year – other things will and she’ll live through this disappointment.
And I?
Well. Along with a hatred of Ohio State, have found another legacy of a previous relationship.
An eye for expensive toys.
Marriage at Month Two
December 15, 2009
What living in Memphis means.
September 23, 2009
I keep telling you folks that living here means a whole ‘nother kind of folk to get used to.
But you keep thinking I’m exaggerating.
Well. I have proof! It was documented on the news! Actual proof!
An excerpt from a wmctv.com news story:
“His Holiness the Dalai Lama arrived in Memphis Tuesday to receive the National Civil Rights Museum’s Freedom Award.
It is his first visit to Memphis and will be remembered for many reasons including the way he was greeted by the city’s mayor – complete with fist bumps.
It seemed like an ordinary walk in the park, but this walk was taken by an extraordinary man, requiring extra security from the air, water, and on the ground.
Both Shelby County Mayor Wharton and Memphis Mayor Pro Tem Lowery were on hand to greet His Holiness. Mayor Lowery told the Dalai Lama, ‘Here we also have a tradition,’ as he showed His Holiness how to fist bump. ‘You say you’ve got a sense of humor,’ Lowery said, ‘I’ve always wanted to say Hello Dalai.’”
Yes.
Fist bumps and Hello Dalai.
WTF.
August 13, 2009
So. Apparently I’ve talked myself back into studying AND taking the 7 instead of the 11.
IN TWO MONTHS.
Yeah. That’s what I thought too.
Fucking insane.
My ovaries are choking me.
August 13, 2009
Oh heavens.
Hormones.
They get the best of us sometimes.
I can’t help it.
I’m 3 or 4 (I can’t remember) days off of my meds because I can’t remember to phone them in, and well.
Yeah.
Add that to the hormones that are… rampant this time of the month and you have one emotional Lish.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Some people thing I’m too calm about things I should be emotional about and these periods are enough to make them shut up again for months.
Most people that know me well know I’m entirely too emotional all the time, and so they run for cover during these times.
The rest of the people just don’t give a shit and it’s to them that I entreat – stop writing moving stories/blogs/twitters/emails!
I can’t handle it.
I just teared up at one of my favorite no-nonsense wedding blogs – yes I read wedding blogs, mainly for the articles – and felt incredibly stupid because I was imagining feeling that way myself.
And what they were feeling wasn’t anything I’d ever feel. A calm sense of relief.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt a calm sense of relief.
A mountain of relief.
A wave of relief, but those both come in loud crashes and tend to overwhelm me.
And then I nap.
But calm?
I don’t do calm.
Though lately I don’t do much of anything – just sit around agape at the list of things I have to do.
Like today – meet with the caterer and tell him what I want to eat on my wedding.
Do they not get that I just want to avoid panic vomit on my wedding dress?
That I’m choking every time I realize it’s time to get invites out?
That I nearly cried this morning when my priest told me he was transferring and someone else would finish up our marriage stuff and marry us?
I can’t think food.
And do you know what that means to someone like me?
I ALWAYS THINK FOOD!
THIS WEDDING IS RUINING MY APPETITE!
lol.
Okay.
So it’s not. I’m enjoying myself at the moment. But I’m tearing up at sweet stuff and I HATE that.
I hate being a girl sometimes – and being girlish and ly I hate pretty much all the time – though I’m so darned good at it.
Bah. Hum-hormones.
