Echoes.

I’m cranky.
I won’t lie.
Crankiness is the inevitable sign that my hormones have caught up with me and that life is crowding around, preparing to scream in my face.
Crankiness takes up a lot of my energy so I don’t generally yell back when that happens.

Ever have that moment where you KNOW you’re at a crossroads in your life and you’re actually scared of taking the wrong AND taking the right path?
I’m there.
My nerves are leading me down the ever energetic road of vibrating legs – I’m bouncing my desk up and down as we speak – it’s uncontrollable.

I don’t think it would be so bad if I weren’t second guessing so much of what I’ve done until this point in my life.
I’m being led in a direction by my principles and faith that feels right and BIG – so much bigger than I could have ever dreamed of on my own.
And I’m scared.
I can’t share this – these thoughts – with most people because what if they’re just the shallow thoughts of someone who wants to try a million different things in life before she dies?
What if this feeling, this desire to make a difference, is simply a figment of the moment? 

And why can’t I stop being so damned vague?
It’s not my nature!

But.  What if I say it out loud and people laugh?
Or if it’s the right way and I wish for it – if saying it out loud means my dream-of-the-moment won’t come true?

Will my generic career fickleness come back to haunt me?
Oh surely, it will.

Everyone around the house is doing well – Abbey’s trying out for cheerleading this week.
Yes.  I gave birth to THAT child.  Who’d have guessed?
I’m much more the nerdling type, but I suppose I can manage my way through the icky world of estrogen that cheerleading builds up for the parents.
this makeup in the morning, doing hair, making sure our clothes look great thing is completely new to me.

I was the kid that did the shower/smell-test/go! form of mornings.

Janie is doing well – the steroids have kicked in, meaning that confining her to the ground has been difficult.  She stubbornly waits until I turn my head and jumps on something – and if I see her about to I catch her and put her up there myself.  Only for her to jump down and back up as though to prove to the world that she can.  Minx.

3rd week weigh-in tonight.
I’m curious if the trend will continue.
I’ve been picking up iced tea in the past few days – a habit that could become a habit… an odd one, since I don’t LIKE tea.
I just miss something to drink besides water and milk.
3 weeks without soda though.  21 days.
Technically they say it’s a habit now.
Horseshit, I tell you.  Horseshit.