Layla.
February 11, 2010
I’m not going to lie.
I want to scream.
SCREAM.
I have faith too – I love God. I pray. I believe.
But I am so darned angry – not at Him, not at anyone in particular, just angry!
How can everyone be so darned positive and hopeful?
I don’t even know Layla Grace.
I don’t know her family.
If I’m viciously honest, I’ll tell you that I have absolutely nothing personally vested in the Marsh family.
And yet, my heart is breaking.
I do know someone who loves this family, loves Layla very much.
And I remember her telling me when she first found out about her diagnosis.
And I started watching. Little by little, until I check the blog and twitter constantly on the hopes of a positive update – ANYTHING that gives this girl more time, more chances.
It’s hard not to care for a family that loves so openly and so much.
Loves God, each other, their children.
And these wonderful positive people with their friends and family have put together fund raisers, get togethers, prayer meetings, and have brightened the world with their ability to deal with crisis and heartache.
And me, some selfish bystander, all I want to do is scream about how unfair this is.
No, that wouldn’t help anyone. They might have the urge to, but I’m the one saying it out loud.
This is NOT fair.
This baby should NOT have had to go through this.
This family should be experiencing tantrums and bedwetting and arguments over food for dinner.
They should NOT be trying to balance hope and pragmatism about this darling girl’s life.
There should be something someone can do.
To fix this, to make it better, to heal her, to help them cope.
WHY isn’t there?
Lord, Please bless the Marsh family. Please help Layla’s parents continue to put one foot in front of the other, please help Layla become pain-free. Please help the people who know and love these people hurt a little less and hope a little more – because YOU CAN heal all things. And little Layla can be perfect again – and even if that doesn’t happen the way we wish it would, it will happen. And that’s what matters. Layla Grace. Please help them, Lord.
Not fair. definitely not. I read the tweets…see Jen’s posts…I get angry, too. But, right now. I’m happy for Layla. That poor little girl has gone through so much.
I’ve seen this before. I’ve told Jen that from the beginning. Layla reminds me of a little girl I knew once. To see that extreme tiredness…she’s done what she came here to do. She’s held on for everyone else. She’s so tired.
It’s not fair. It fucking blows. Her mom and dad and sisters…dear lord…it just…
But, I don’t want to scream. That little girl doesn’t want that. She wants rest. She did her “job” in two years. Could you imagine doing it that quickly? I sure as fuck know I couldn’t.
She’s so tired. Her Mom and Dad, I think realize that, as much as they don’t want to admit it. I pray for all of them right now, but a little extra is going to her sisters…especially the 9 year old
Agreed.
I know God has a purpose that I don’t see. I know things happen that I cannot stop. That fairness doesn’t just include what I think is fair. Life happens.
And I know she needs to rest. I know she deserves that. They all do – this upheaval can only have stretched them more and more. And she’ll be the blessed one. The one perfect and restful and happy and her family will miss her.
But I still want to scream.
Am screaming on the inside.
It’s hard not to want to protect them all.
I checked your blog on a whim.
And I find this.
And I’m crying.
Thanks Lish. For caring. For following. For loving.
Love you.
Jen
Love you, too.
Anything I can do – ANYTHING. Just let me know.
I don’t know what else to do other than to keep telling you that, reminding you of that, and to keep praying.
You have my support.
They have my prayers.
And, as strange as it sounds for total strangers, you all have my love.
I stumbled across this post. I have been following Layla Grace’s story and am mad and angry as well. I appreciate someone saying it out loud (or writing it). I feel it but have not said it. I have no reason to feel angry, upset but I do. I find it hard to understand how good people such as the Marsh’s have to endure this and not have a miracle take place. They have reached so many people and have taught so many about love, faith, family, strength, etc….wouldnt a miracle reach even more? Saving this child so the world can learn from her Grace..It makes me question everything…and I hate that. All of the people around the country who are coming together to pray for Layla and have fallen in love with her entire family and we see in the end a tragic ending. Makes me want to scream…and then go in and cuddle with my kids.