Echoes.

I stare at my rings a lot.
When I was dating Nicholas, I’d walk through with my soon-to-be Sister-In-Law (Lots of hyphens, yo) and we’d try on costume jewelry designed to look like incredibly gaudy rings.
It was a bit of fun in our frustration – our guys hadn’t caught up yet to the very bit of knowledge we were already in possession of – they were stuck with us.
But we tried them on and laughed and had tons of fun.
And as our relationships got more serious we tried on real rings… and laughed when the salesperson thought WE were getting married.

But now it’s real and concrete and sits on my finger with the beautiful band that I chose to go with it and it shines at me.
It’s beautiful.

And surreal.
I am a married woman.
My decisions and life is now tied to something more than just me.
Not more important or bigger or the beat-all-end-all… but something MORE.

I’ve spent the past week in Minneapolis visiting with Nick – a treat, as that’s the longest visit I’ve ever had up there and the only visit that he’s ever taken off days to spend with me.
We had a moment or two, but for the most part it was like sitting in a comfortable armchair.
Every part of me can relax around him in a way they haven’t around anyone else.  The tense insecurities may still exist, but when I curl up next to him at night I feel at HOME.

That’s what I miss when I come home to Mississippi.

Oh, I could tell you the bad things that happen.  We’re both so stubborn and we aren’t used to being around one another so there are misunderstandings and expectations that don’t get met.  I’m a night person (who’s turning into an afternoon person as she gets older) and he’s a morning person that thinks every morning would be complete with a few hours of exercise beginning starkly at 6am.  Because he’s insane.
I lounge in bed while he bounces off the walls complaining about not leaving the house.  Later in the evening he’s closing his eyes at 8pm instead of watching the oh-so-exciting American Idol…

But these aren’t new discoveries.  They’re just part of Who We Are. 
And while we expect/hope at times that they might change, the truth is that his motivation for staying up late involves video games and mine for getting up early involves sex.

So there are bad.
But every time I look at my ring I think of the million different moments that brought us to this point. 
And I’m excited and scared about the million that we have left to create.
But how lucky am I that I get that chance?

It’s like that with child rearing too. 
I missed my daughter tremendously while away – The Absolute Best Feeling in the world is sitting in the same room with my husband and daughter and hearing them talk or laugh or learn together. 
And while I may not get that option very often, I DO get to feel that thing – that absolute planets-aligning feeling that comes with having the people you love most near and safe.  And I know, because of that feeling, that home is going to be where THEY are… and that this fear I have inside of me – this not knowing what is going to happen is going to pass and that we’re all in this together.

And so I’m feeling pretty blessed right now.

I look at my rings and remember this surreal relationship and life of mine is full of happiness even though it may be difficult at times.
And I look at my daughter and know that the choices I made in my husband and for our future are Right.

And that’s kind of nice.