Life is a battlefield.
November 6, 2009
I’ll be honest.
I’m slow to anger.
Quick to get over it.
I always have been.
The idea of holding on to something so tightly that you keep those negative feelings with you is so alien to me – but I realize that it’s quite natural for some people.
Some people wouldn’t have a clue how to get past things even if they tried.
Because they don’t come very natural to me at all, I’ve always thought grudges were a waste and unhealthy.
I still do, but apparently, at the moment, I am the object of one.
Rather sad, considering the person who is angry with me – not someone I’d ever want angry with me. I love them dearly.
And I’m also flabbergasted.
The event that happened – and I’m not naming her or the event – happened on my wedding day.
Some things I don’t remember about my wedding day, especially the beginning of it.
I remember being so nervous that I was throwing up all morning.
I remember feeling as though I were moving through a fog.
I remember the constant phone calls, giving directions, answering questions, getting last minute decor and items to where they needed to go – or at least delegating that part.
Some things couldn’t be found.
Some things STILL have yet to be found.
One of those things lost on that day (but found a few days later) is at the root of this problem.
A gift that this person put TONS of hard work into. Hours you can’t even imagine.
I chose not to mention on the day of that this item was missing and in doing so either made the impression that it didn’t matter or she wasn’t appreciated.
I’ve apologized days later when I realized (as my brain calmed down) that I hadn’t before.
To no avail.
She’s a grudge holder.
And I love her dearly and hate this negative feeling that she holds. I hate it for her.
Especially since she does have a reason to be hurt and angry. Had I explained on the day of, perhaps this would have been taken care of.
The situation itself was one of those things – not planned, but regretted – that happens in our lives.
I couldn’t have taken upon the responsibility of finding the item that morning.
And those that tried couldn’t make heads nor tails of the chaos the day brought.
I have no idea where it was during the search or how it ended up at my apartment afterwards.
But my apology was sincere.
I do sincerely regret that she was hurt.
I am actually very selfishly regretting the missed photo opportunity, which I’ll be honest enough to admit upsetted me on the day of more than most anything else. The gift is gorgeous and I’m materialistic.
I’m not sure if I could do more to make up for it.
But grudges are unfamiliar creatures and I can’t battle the pathways of one and come out sanely.
So I’ll sit back and wait for her to work through whatever one has to work through.
It hurts though.
It was my wedding day.
And I’m frustrated enough to note that she never asked about said item nor brought up afterwards that she was upset with me.
I don’t think that’s fair – not after this many years of friendship. I think that’s really unfair.
But honest enough to know that admitting organization fault immediately should have been my first choice.
I don’t want to count this heavy cloud of awfulness as a memory on my wedding day – a pall on it.
But I suppose it is/will be.
Have a lost a friend for good?
I don’t know.
It would seem very silly if that were the case.
An absent-minded bride is hardly an unusual thing.
If sincere regret and apologies don’t help, well.
I have no weapons to fight this battle with then.
I suppose I’ll have to retreat and regroup.
And wait for her to make the first move.
I don’t think waiting is the answer. I don’t know what IS because I don’t this item or person, but perhaps this person didn’t bring it up because, well, it was your wedding day. If they put as much time and effort as you say into the gift, it’s understandable that they would be upset. I don’t just get over anger, either. Especially if it’s “hurt” anger and not just regular aggitated anger. I absolute understand that side of it.
And I can say, from experience, wedding days are INSANE. I lost my shoes the morning of. My SHOES. How does that happen? Don’t know. Never found them. Had to run out last second and buy more. Is your friend married? Because it’s impossible to imagine that scenerio if you aren’t. Did you realize how it was going to be beforehand? I’d bet not. There’s just.so.much to worry about/remember/deal with. You have to see things the way he/she does. From the experience THEY had. And hopefully, they’ll be able to do the same with you.
I know you would NEVER hurt one of your friends intentionally. And I can see you being so understanding and forgiving in a reversed situation. But you are a rare breed. I’d be hurt, too. Logic aside. Because I’d want my gift that I toiled over to be SO special, you COULDN’T forget it. Like I said, logic aside. Because there’s no logic to feelings.
I’ll stop now. I am in a rambly mood. Or didn’t you notice?
I love you. You are awesome. Nurse your friend’s feelings are hard as she worked on your gift. It’s only fair.
I agree. She absolutely has reason to be upset. I guess if it’s something I am going to be working through on my own – unless it’s something big, I tend to just say I’m hurt, deal with it, and move on.
I’ve not ever made it reason to not hang out or talk with someone, so the entirety of it just blows my mind as much as anything alien would to me.
I just don’t work that way so I don’t get it.
I try to put myself in other people’s shoes – wedding days ARE crazy!
Nick even forgot the ring. I bet most people don’t know that – that we almost forgot THE symbol. There were lots of things that went wrong that day. Lots of things lost. or misplaced.
And it wasn’t that it didn’t bother me on the day of. I just couldn’t do anything about it. So I had to worry about them or let it go for the day and be happy.
lol, and ANYONE that knows me knows that there is NOTHING I can’t forget.
Worst memory ever.
Weddings are hard things. Everyone outside of the bride have their own lives and things to accomplish. I got my feelings hurt a lot during the events because I felt so alone, K aside. Even Nick was letting me handle everything alone. I shopped alone, I made decisions alone. Crafted alone.
So I can understand hurt feelings over important things.
I guess I just don’t understand why someone would let it pall a friendship if the friend was genuinely apologetic and regretful.
Umm, hello, you did NOT craft alone. I remember doing something with ribbons.
That was crafting in MY book. ::Snicker::
I wasn’t blaming you in anyway. I get it. Like I said, I forgot my SHOES the day of my wedding. I was just saying that, as a person who lets anger fester myself without knowing how to bridge the gaps that are created because of it, I see how she could be hurt and also not say anything. And if she isn’t married (which may not even be the case, I am just assuming because most married chicks would know) she won’t get how incredibly mindnumbing everything is beforehand. You just can’t grasp it until you’ve done it.
All I’m saying, is don’t give up on her just yet. Let her take her time to mend her feelings. If you draw back, I think there will be no hope for a friendship. Which seems silly, but it happens ALL THE TIME. Misunderstanding end relationships all the time. It’s a shame and it’s dumb. If you do everything you can, and she doesn’t come around, then that sucks, but at least you cen genuinely say you tried and move on.
I am so sorry that your friend’s feelings were hurt and that it marred your special day and the days since. I don’t know what you can do to make it up to her…maybe try sending her an “apology card” just to let her know that you truly appreciated all of the hard work she put into it and that she is still on your mind and that you do really honestly feel bad…
That aside it’s up to her to accept that it happened and move past it…I agree that it’s probably not worth sacrificing a long friendship over, but it takes some people longer to get over things…
Weddings are insane and I always felt like you were doing well if you ended up with the bride, groom, minister, license and rings!