Echoes.

So, Monday is in full swing, the week having begun today – and it seems as though I should be used to this return to normal life.
Only things aren’t normal.
I’m now a married woman and while things don’t FEEL different in a conscious way, my reaction to having Nick here for a week and a half and then gone again has let me know that things are, somewhere down deep, totally different.
I’ve hitched my wagon to his and being this far away from him feels new and painful, though I should be used to it. I should.

I’ve started changing my name on things – I’ve gotten some stuff accomplished, others, well… not so much.
Some stuff has to be done in person and several decisions have to be made. Practical ones, the kind I’m best at.
So that’s okay.

I can’t wait until we’re in the same city. Where the petty little arguments will continue, but we’ll solve and/or ignore them as humans in a real relationship. Where the good times can be celebrated just as soon as we get home from work. And where the nights will be spent listening to him snore – a silly thing to enjoy, but after 3 years apart, I say – in all honesty – you just. don’t. know.

Abbey seems to have jumped on the stepfather bandwagon quite easily, though she came home from her father’s last night in quite a mood.
I don’t know what the problem is, but once we were alone she crawled on top of me and sobbed for the longest time. She didn’t want to talk about it though, so thinking that it has something to do with court is just putting the cart before the horse.

I know their attorney quit this past week – most likely due to her painful divorce – but surely they wouldn’t discuss it with her? (will wishing it so make it true? hasn’t worked so far…)

But there is a part of me that worries that maybe she’s just being happy for me instead of happy for us.
Odd, I suppose. They spent so much time laughing and hanging out together that I’m being touchy – overly sensitive because I’m so unnerved at this missing him in this way. Not in the cheesy romance novel way – my body doesn’t long for his touch or whatever other crap they say, but my ears definitely are missing his laughter.
Each burst seems a bit like a gift, as he’s so cute when he’s tickled.

I guess I just keep praying.
That things will work out for us, for all of us as a family.
Logic tells me that she’s better with us. Though I get why everything can’t be based on facts and figures.
Love matters too.
Surely we can find a balance?