Echoes.

This weekend flew by in a flash, the last weekend I’ll ever be officially ‘single’ and I must say – that really blows my mind.

For years I ran around, partying hard (if by hard you mean sitting on the couch and watching movies with your closest friends. it totally counts, I swear. Okay. So I didn’t party hard. But I was still cool.) playing with my friends, flirting with folks, having a grand ole time, and all of that sort of got knocked on its rear with the shy smile of a tall Italian chemistry student that I’d been talking to online for a month or so.

I had known that night that I was in trouble, that everything I had always pledged to stand for was in danger of being shaken. What I didn’t realize was that I didn’t really stand for those things, that never wanting to marry at that point was simply that I didn’t know about HIM and the sheer amount of fun you can have with one person for years.

Plus he has these really long gorgeous lashes over these deep brown eyes and well… I’m a sucker for girl lashes over manly gorgeous eyes.

This weekend and this morning has marked a set of days and events that will never happen again.
My last single Monday. My last waking up in bed on the weekend as a single woman.
Perhaps that’s a little overdramatic in words, but the echo of what that means is resounding through my body and I find myself so excited to stand up with this man this weekend.

I’m not entirely sure the wedding is all together.
Not entirely sure I’m not missing a ton of things.
Not entirely sure the money will work out in the end.
Not entirely sure of a lot of things.
But I am sure of my decision.
Of him. Of us. Of us as a couple, of us as a family, of us and Abbey and making the best of life.
So the linens might be crooked. My dress might not be entirely steamed, and I might look like the dough… girl, but in the end the important part will be taken care of and we’ll have hog tied each other in the way only a southern couple can hog tie themselves and well… if that’s not a bit o’ romance, I don’t know what is.

I’m scared, yes. Not of making a wrong decision or of failing, but just in that natural way of things that spell change for my safe little world that I’m used to.
I’m unsure of where this is going to lead me, which is a strange feeling – all of the decisions before were made solely by me, which lent itself to a feeling of control – now they’re joint decisions… and he and I are so different that this will make life interesting.
And I’m not sure where in the heck I’ll end up.
Not geographically but mentally and physically.

And that’s scary but also kinda cool.

Which I suppose is the risk of relationship and the risk of what I’m doing.
But the benefits of leaping seem large and the benefits of staying the same or as we are seem very small in comparison.

So.
I begin this last ‘single’ week with little trepidation and more excitement than many of the weeks I’ve experienced in my life.
How large and grand this seems compared to many of those others.
Abbey and this.
Two biggest decisions I’ve made in my life.
The two best.

Just wow.