Echoes.

Me: I’m calling to find out about a package that’s out for delivery – but the mail carrier has already been by and it’s not delivered. May I come pick it up?
Them: No. It’s with the carrier.
Me: Why would he have it on the truck and not deliver it?
Them: I can’t speculate, ma’am. But you cannot pick it up until they leave a delivery notification.
Me: But I work for a big company, I doubt we’ll get one. Anyway – It’s supposed to come today because it’s the 2 day service.
Them: That’s 2-3 days. And you always get a delivery notification if we try to delivery and no one is there.
Me: There are hundreds of people here – I’m pretty sure you could find someone to sign for it. So I should expect it on Monday at the latest?
Them: No ma’am. I cannot speculate. It’s not a guaranteed delivery.
Me: Then why do you charge extra for it?
Them: We’re charging you for the estimation of delivery.
Me: I estimate it won’t get delivered today – does that now mean you owe me?
Them: No, Ma’am.
Me: So what you’re saying is you basically have no idea where the package is, correct?
Them: I can’t speculate on that since I’m not the carrier.
Me: But the carrier who scanned the package for delivery didn’t CARRY it to the delivery location. Do you know of any reason why a carrier might just hold on to a box?
Them: I’m sure they’re not just holding on to it, you should receive it within 5 business days.
Me: But I paid for 2. If it goes over, do I get a refund?

It continued.
I didn’t end up winning the war, of course. It’s the freaking Post Office.
But by the end of the conversation, she was as pissed off as I was.
So I think the points for the BATTLE… belong to me.