Time. is. Too danged fast.
September 28, 2009
This past weekend we celebrated the two week mark coming… and going.
Going with a flash.
These last few days are passing with a speed I didn’t realize was possible and it’s all I can do not to try to grasp time in hands that can barely stop shaking, much less accomplish the impossible.
A dear friend celebrated her nuptuals this past weekend. I’m thrilled for her, having walked through my life hearing the days when life just was too much – and I’m thrilled knowing that when she has a good day, when she has a bad day, she has someone as invested in her as she is in them.
And she took such a leap – a move to a new CONTINENT, a new language, a new life, all for love.
My nerves really need to look at her for an example.
I’m not worried about marrying Nick.
The changes.
The hugeness of this – of the sacrament of this.
That’s ENORMOUS to me.
I wouldn’t have understood how big this was had I just married him for love – in the beginning when I loved him more than myself for no real reason.
But now, when I love him more than myself – or as much as myself on our bad days – I KNOW why and it has everything to do with who he is and who we are together.
And that makes me understand more just how much we’re risking to do this. Just how much people ask of each other when they make these vows.
Just how much different it is to MARRY someone versus live with them.
It also stresses to me just how unfair it is that not everyone in this country is free to do the same. How a biological difference forces two people who are so committed to live together without this final big step.
Because it IS different.
And they deserve that.
No one deserves to be told they can’t marry the person they love simply because someone else thinks they know best.
Part of the wonderful thing about the Bible is that it encourages us to follow the laws of our nation – and we’re not.
You can’t make laws based solely on a religious belief and call them valid and of the people.
And assuming that being gay and a Christian are mutually exclusive is being totally ignorant of life, love, and faith as a whole.
That’s just plain ole not how it works, folks.
Put on your grey-lensed glassed.
There are all KINDS of shades out there.
In the meanwhile I will be thumping out these last projects on my list.
Feeling blessed.
Feeling panicked.
Waiting to return to normal.
And really wondering how all of these differences I already feel inside of myself can get ANY bigger.
And smelling the October which signifies everything good to me about life.
It’s here today – the rain’s been holding it off, but boy does the air smell like crisp sunshine today.
Fun with the USELESS post office.
September 25, 2009
Me: I’m calling to find out about a package that’s out for delivery – but the mail carrier has already been by and it’s not delivered. May I come pick it up?
Them: No. It’s with the carrier.
Me: Why would he have it on the truck and not deliver it?
Them: I can’t speculate, ma’am. But you cannot pick it up until they leave a delivery notification.
Me: But I work for a big company, I doubt we’ll get one. Anyway – It’s supposed to come today because it’s the 2 day service.
Them: That’s 2-3 days. And you always get a delivery notification if we try to delivery and no one is there.
Me: There are hundreds of people here – I’m pretty sure you could find someone to sign for it. So I should expect it on Monday at the latest?
Them: No ma’am. I cannot speculate. It’s not a guaranteed delivery.
Me: Then why do you charge extra for it?
Them: We’re charging you for the estimation of delivery.
Me: I estimate it won’t get delivered today – does that now mean you owe me?
Them: No, Ma’am.
Me: So what you’re saying is you basically have no idea where the package is, correct?
Them: I can’t speculate on that since I’m not the carrier.
Me: But the carrier who scanned the package for delivery didn’t CARRY it to the delivery location. Do you know of any reason why a carrier might just hold on to a box?
Them: I’m sure they’re not just holding on to it, you should receive it within 5 business days.
Me: But I paid for 2. If it goes over, do I get a refund?
It continued.
I didn’t end up winning the war, of course. It’s the freaking Post Office.
But by the end of the conversation, she was as pissed off as I was.
So I think the points for the BATTLE… belong to me.
What living in Memphis means.
September 23, 2009
I keep telling you folks that living here means a whole ‘nother kind of folk to get used to.
But you keep thinking I’m exaggerating.
Well. I have proof! It was documented on the news! Actual proof!
An excerpt from a wmctv.com news story:
“His Holiness the Dalai Lama arrived in Memphis Tuesday to receive the National Civil Rights Museum’s Freedom Award.
It is his first visit to Memphis and will be remembered for many reasons including the way he was greeted by the city’s mayor – complete with fist bumps.
It seemed like an ordinary walk in the park, but this walk was taken by an extraordinary man, requiring extra security from the air, water, and on the ground.
Both Shelby County Mayor Wharton and Memphis Mayor Pro Tem Lowery were on hand to greet His Holiness. Mayor Lowery told the Dalai Lama, ‘Here we also have a tradition,’ as he showed His Holiness how to fist bump. ‘You say you’ve got a sense of humor,’ Lowery said, ‘I’ve always wanted to say Hello Dalai.’”
Yes.
Fist bumps and Hello Dalai.
I’ll be honest.
September 22, 2009
I want to write.
I need to write.
I have no time to write.
I’m busy losing my mind.
The post office is losing stuff.
Not my mind, but stuff.
I don’t actually have internet access and have you ever tried to type out an entire entry on the iPhone WordPress app?
Yeah.
I have.
Don’t.
18 days before I vomit on dance around in my pretty dress.
Maybe I’ll have a brain cell again then. Maybe.
Great Disappointment.
September 18, 2009
Do you know what it feels like to have missed an opportunity for greatness?
Well.
I do.
Tomorrow.
I should have gotten married tomorrow.
Think of the greatness.
Parrots, accents, wooden legs.
I could do a whole dress code!
Think of getting married in an eye patch.
With an ‘arrrr, matey’ included in the vows and/or DJ announcements.
Le sigh.
Why do I only think of these things AFTER IT’S TOO LATE.
23 DAYS
September 17, 2009
I want to scream those words.
TWENTY-THREE DAYS.
Do you get what that means?
That’s tomorrow.
Or at least the next day.
Who the hell gets married in 23 DAYS?
Yes. I’m incapable of not putting it in capital letters.
I think it has something to do with the near-vomitatious feeling that is sitting in my body at the sheer thought of only 23 DAYS left.
Wasn’t it just yesterday we were meeting at Starbucks and I was thinking “I’d SO totally hit that”?
It had to have been.
Or last week, maybe – my memory isn’t what it should be because I have only 23 DAYS left.
I’m not sleeping, which might add to some of the hysteria.
Or perhaps it’s the fact that I spent last night making 200 different Moo cards only to have the internet eat them and have to start all over.
Or maybe it’s that I really am incapable of making even the smallest decision anymore without affirmation.
Because when I do, things happen. Bad things happen.
Say, for instance, my MC Hammer style black pants, navy socks, and too-short ivory sweater combo I’m rocking today.
Every time I say ‘Stop!’ at someone I have to follow it up with ‘Hammer Time!’ – they insist.
And I would too if it were someone else.
But it’s me.
And I have 23 DAYS left.
23 DAYS.
This is huge.
Bigger than mountains, bigger than the universe, bigger than Abe’s brother’s head.
I’m getting married.
With all the trappings I never wanted, all the money I never wanted to spend, all the planning I never wanted – BUT!
I am getting the guy I wanted – absolutely want.
Just.
In 23 DAYS.
Note to self.
September 15, 2009
Must learn to make more clear, concise, direct decisions regarding my life and the wedding.
While I will win in the end, passive aggressiveness can be annoying – even if it’s you being passive aggressive.
Also, kick dissenters in the balls.
Help.
September 15, 2009
What are your thoughts on something like this as a grooms cake topper?
I think it’s adorable.
Never gone.
September 14, 2009
I’m still here, happily buzzing through my timeline before the wedding, trying not to vomit on the shoes of everyone around me in nervous energy wedding vomit, which YES – IS an official type of vomit. Just ask the US Department of Vomitatious Research.
The dress is bought. The makeup person booked – whether she likes it or not. The hair appointment is booked though I’ll probably move it up a bit.
The venues are booked.
The fiance is freaking out.
The bride is being chastised for not having everything totally done.
Yep, it’s a normal wedding.
A two bedroom apartment has been rented for us – while the custody thing is being worked out, Abbey will have her own room in the second tiniest apartment ever that we will share with 5093285320842 bicycles.
But. I’m so looking forward to it.
There are issues – ups and downs of merging families that I’m getting used to.
The families are both wonderful.
The balancing is harder – the meeting so many people is hard. Even meeting wonderful people makes a shy person shrink into their shell at times.
But mostly I’m around, trying to keep sane, trying to find something to say that doesn’t sound like AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and trying to remember what it is that I’ve forgotten. Which seems to be everything.
I. Hate. Adulthood.
September 10, 2009
Today is definitely one of those days where I want to order up mojitos for two. And then not share.
