Echoes.

I’m not one of those people that really apologizes for absences.
You chronicle things on your blogs – and as such, it becomes a way of communicating with others around you, people you know and don’t, and especially for yourself.
So when there are breaks it’s hard to not say that you’re sorry, but the truth is, life happens.
So like a good friend, I expect my blog to understand when I’m gone.
And it does.
I hope you do too.

Life is gathering energy at the moment, expending only when it has to, and only in small bursts.
The wedding is coming up, the custody battle will come to a head, the 13th birthday of the best thing that ever happened to me – but before that, this week, a funeral.

I honestly wish I’d known him better.
He laughed at my jokes, even my unfunny ones, just to make me feel better.  He liked being included, liked people who were sober enough to chat with and hang out with.  He liked having fun, liked being a part of a peer group and being accepted, as all teens do, but more than anything he loved.

He loved his friends, he loved his family, he loved my family – and seeing the people gather around him, hearing about how this story is circling around the community, finding out just how small our community is, is doing my heart good.

Gaven would have loved people coming together over him.  Would have loved the friendships being renewed, would have loved the effort his family is giving towards being sober, would have loved everyone laughing while remembering him.
He would have hated people crying over him, but would have really loved to know that he was so loved.

And he was.

I didn’t know him as well as I wish I did now.
I’ve learned more about him since his death last week than I did before and I’m sad at the opportunity I lost to really get to know a good kid.
I knew he had a good heart.  I knew he was a good kid.  I knew he loved my sister and her family.  And when it comes right down to it, a good character MATTERS to me, and so I liked Gav.

I’ve been more affected by his death and the tragedy of the fact that it was caused by neglect of the system of healthcare and of government.  This 17 year old boy didn’t have to die and I’d be lying if I didn’t say there was part of me that really wants someone to suffer for that.
Though the blame, in my eyes, falls a bit closer to home in this instance, even with his brother’s stupid actions, Gav wouldn’t have died had someone just listened instead of lumping him in with so many others.

Here’s the thing, folks. 
Don’t judge someone based upon a mistake.  Judge someone based upon their actions after the mistake, before the mistake and around it.  If it defines their character as a whole, that’s one thing.
But the majority of us spend our lives doing nothing much bad, nothing much extraordinarily good and go out with a whimper.
Gav lived an extraordinarily good life to those around him and made a mistake and went out with a bang.
So judge someone wholly – not in pieces.
And for heaven’s sake, don’t let a youthful mistake color the pattern and path of a young boy or girl’s life.  We’ve all made stupid mistakes and only by sheer dumb luck have lived to tell the tell.
Some of us get caught.
Some of us don’t.
But we all walk the path of youth.

So when going about your life, remember that.
If not for my sake, for the sake of a boy that loved so hard and died too young.
Judge others and form opinions not on the clothes, on the talk, – but judge folks on the WALK of their life.  And if they fall, see if they let it keep them on the ground or if they get back up and start walking the path again.

This experience has changed me. 
Changed me inexorably.
Opened my eyes to things I really didn’t know existed.
But now I do.

I wish I could have known him better.
And I wish I could thank him for all he has taught me.