Steamy wishes.
July 23, 2009
Is it just me, or is a little chilly around here for a July day?
It’s not that they are cold.
They aren’t. Um. Well. Mostly.
It’s that people won’t stop telling me I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
And it’s nothing personal to me or Nick.
They are talking about THEIR marriages and THEIR lives and how if THEY could do it all over again, well, they wouldn’t.
Happily married people are too busy with day to day stuff to scream about how this will be the best decision I’ve ever made and how it’ll be so awesome…
I guess because even if it’s true, it’s still going to be hard.
And we’re good.
We enjoyed the time with Father Greg.
We enjoyed the engagement party that no one got pictures of us at.
And then my wedding dress came in yesterday and I put it on and danced around the room, never wanting to take it off, loving that feeling, that image in my head of how I think I look in it, hoping Nick agrees come October…
And then my heart leapt.
October.
Is awfully close to September.
Which is pretty close to August.
Which is basically tomorrow.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
How can cold feet not equal bad thoughts?
But they don’t.
They just are the same cold feet I get before making job changes.
Before making lifestyle changes.
Before making ANY large change… just slightly bigger because this kind of combines them all.
And I don’t have doubts.
I just have panic.
And I can’t quite make it go away.
And I don’t know why it’s less about the marriage and more about the wedding.
This mental image of me freezing mid-aisle only to run like a crazy person to get away from it all.
Not him, not the marriage.
But the center of attention.
I do NOT want to be the center of attention when it’s not on my terms.
And in this rambling craziness I have to ask why it isn’t on my terms.
Why all of this breathes and moves on its own.
Couldn’t someone else stand in for me?
Or could I stand behind a curtain?
Preferably with Nicholas, as I’d like to have him see me in my dress.
Do I have to meet and greet and love and hug and think and plan and pay and dance and BE IN THE MIDDLE of everything?
I long for my warm socks.
Hmmm…Not sure why people think the marriage is a mistake. I had a bad one, but mine was a totally different situation. You & Nick seem to have a solid enough relationship that you’ll make it through the first rocky years. And I say rocky only cause you won’t only be newly married, you’ll be newly cohabiting and that alone presents its’ own obstacles. The wedding is getting big, that I’ll agree with, but you should try to enjoy it anyway. It’s going to go by so damned fast that you’ll wish you hadn’t worried so much about it.
See you tonight for sushi?
It’s not anything personal with them.
They’re just unhappy.
Or, marriage wasn’t what they thought it was.
I have constantly changing expectations – some of which will disappoint, others which will not.
I’m just…
You guys will all be looking at me.
And I have to walk down while you’re looking at me.
That’s unnerving.
Sushi is yucky.
We’re supposed to look at you. You’re getting married. You’ll be dolled up and a little tipsy from champagne and you’ll have a fantastic time. Also, you should intro like the video I posted yesterday. Bet ya $10 it’ll cure the nerves!
hehehe…Lish.
watch this: http://www.lifeimages.com/hines
most importantly, watch her face through the whole thing (it’s not that long)
the editing is shit. the whole thing comes across as fake-ish with the staged moments.
but, again. watch her face. the end
love,
me
you can always knit some nice warm socks to match your dress.
marriage is fucking awesome.
i suggest everyone get married.
you’ll love it.
seriously.
it’s wonderful.
and there is nothing better than wearing a gorgeous dress and hugging a million people you don’t know. it’s fabulous, and i bet you five bucks you will adore every second of it.
The whole day will be a whirlwind and you probably won’t even remember hugging Uncle Fred….at weddings everything happens at a pretty fast pace and before you know it, you and Nick will be falling into bed completely exhausted and happy..So just breathe and enjoy! I think you have got all of the details under control and the day will be wonderful…and yes, my dear, you will be the center of attention…but all you will see is Nick and you will forget about all of the people sharing your moments.