Echoes.

I’ve been asked by people along the way if I regret waiting until I’m 29 to get married.
I can’t yell NO! on the internet and have it come across correctly, but understand – that was a definite yelled NO!.

The thing that is different about getting married at 29 rather than when I was younger is simply – I know myself.

I’m not saying it’s impossible to know yourself at a younger age, but I don’t have the simple belief that things will be okay in my relationship just because I don’t believe in divorce as an out.  (other than the 3 A’s, which are most certainly a talk for another time.) 
I know now that things aren’t black and white on this, and that being able to live with something or someone isn’t simply defined by whether or not the relationship is GOOD at the moment.
But more about the character behind the relationship and the people fighting for it.

When I was younger I believed, as most young folks do, that love would solve all my relationship’s problems… that if we were going through bad times, love would either fly in and fix our problems or we didn’t love each other enough.

I’ve spent the majority of my twenties in and out of hard times – dealing with custody issues with my daughter and her father’s family, dealing with health issues with my family, and simply learning the hard way what it means to be an adult with a child that is too close to my own age.

Making the decision to marry Nick was a hard one.
One made over years – before he ever asked the question… and more than likely before he ever THOUGHT to ask the question.
I had to know who he was when he was angry.  Who he was when I had a problem with our relationship.  Who he was when expressing his own problems with our relationship.  Who he was when he dealt with problems outside of our relationship.
And even more than that, who I was when I was with him dealing with those things.
And I learned a lot about myself.  I learned that I can be on time for a movie.  I can balance my checkbook.  I can make decisions that will be unpopular with him simply because I believe they are RIGHT and even if he doesn’t agree, he’ll still love me and respect me and life will go on.
I don’t feel the need to change my views or opinions to fit his notion of what he wants in his life.
He has to  love me as me and I have to love him as him.
And when you consider that love is an action every bit as much as it is an emotion, you’ll realize how hard that can be.

Accepting that he’ll never view my priorities as his own is a lot harder than me realizing I won’t always view his as my own either.  We rarely look at our side of the coin and I think that is the difference between 29 and 21.
Self awareness.

I’m okay with us disagreeing.
And I know the world won’t end if we argue or fight, though it’s rare when we do.
I know when he’s angry he’s going to growl – but he does that with everyone.
And he knows that when I’m angry I need to be alone or I need to be teased into laughing again and that I never hold grudges.

I feel very solid in my relationship.
Very solid in the decisions I’m making regarding my relationship.
I don’t mean that I never have doubts about spending the rest of my life being the person who makes all the doctor’s appointments – I just mean that I realize wishing he’d make some himself isn’t going to inspire him to do that.
Nor will his wishing I’d make every meal both healthy and delicious isn’t going to inspire me to throw out my grandmother’s recipe for cornbread dressing and start with something low-cal.

I love who I am right now.
I love that I no longer feel the need to compartmentalize myself to please those around me.
I love that I know what my buttons are and that I can not react when provoked.
I love that who I am on the inside very closely resembles someone I’d have respect for on the outside.

And I love that I’m marrying Nick knowing that THAT woman is the woman who said yes… not some starry-eyed version of the girl I used to be.
Heck, he proposed after one of the worst days we’ve ever had in our 4 1/2 years together – and that he did that, that THAT is when he chose to tell me he’s committed, he’s fighting for this, he loves me even during our darkest hours – THAT is the man I’m lucky enough to marry.

And knowing that brings me a peace underneath all the bridal craziness that nothing else on the planet could.

In my opinion, 29 is simply PERFECT.