Echoes.

I have cold feet.
No, I don’t doubt that I want to marry Nicholas.
I just doubt.
It’s not anything that really has rhyme or reason – simply put, I’m going insane.

Cold feet begins with a slight flutter.
Something catches you off guard – a wedding planning problem that you wouldn’t normally be bothered with gives you nightmares and suddently logical reasonable women like me are having nightmares about the different shades of chocolate linens.

Actual nightmares.

Then comes in the insomnia.
Cold feet leads to nights with a notebook in hand, trying to list as many things that you still have to do as possible – which becomes an IMPOSSIBLE list to keep up with and technically the person who has cold feet is nuts for even writing it, but there is a slight chance (in her mind) she’d be attacked by her in-laws if she didn’t both complete and obsess over every detail before the wedding.

Cold feet continues into the work day.
It laughs at sites like www.apracticalwedding.com and the notion that weddings are anything near practical and wants to give a voice to all the women in the world who have ever entered this strange panic that comes when the wedding is less than 100 days away. 

The simple gorgeous ceremonies online mock a woman with cold feet as she makes her way through the wedding blog hemisphere.
“See what you could have had if ONLY HE had listened?!”

The rational side that still has a whisper of a voice chimes in with “But YOU were the one that wanted a party with all the family and friends, he just combined the two…”

Then the cold footed side knocks the rational side on it’s ass and the circle begins again.

I’m not losing it – at least not technically.
I’m just entering in a world that very few bloggers tell you about when they discuss they’re wedding planning…
So many are all sunshine and roses and for the most part, it is, but wedding planning, especially when you didn’t plan on planning a wedding in the first place, is NOT for the faint of heart.
You learn more about your relationship and the ins and outs of how you’ll respond to each other as a married couple than you could ever have imagined before picking out invitations.
You learn what’s important to him (the money) and what’s important to you (getting all the family and friends together in this One Event in your lifetime that they will be innermixed…) and you both sacrifice around each other in order to make it work.

Nothing in the past 4 1/2 years, including hospital visits, car accidents, health problems, moving long distance, custody battles, family tragedies and the normal ups and downs has given me the insight that planning a wedding has.
And I’m an incredibly observant person!

So, it’s scary.
Worthwhile, yes, but scary at the same time.
Many things I can look down the road and feel warm and fuzzy about, but some things set me back a little.  (WHISKER HAIRS ON MY SINK!)
All in all, I’m excited and happy about my upcoming nuptuals, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop telling the truth on the days when my feet get a little chilly and I wonder if we can buy a duplex instead of a house so the evenings when I’m a video game widow won’t bug me as much.

I’m too honest.
And today, as happy as I am, I require socks for my cold feet.