Echoes.

I’m almost giddy I’m in such a good mood.
I don’t know why, really.
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that, unlike some people in my life, I didn’t have a massage therapist pull my hair in order to massage my scalp.
I’m not sure.

But for some reason today feels like a day full of possibilities, of smiles.
And maybe that will change – but I hope not.
Good moods are few and far between – at least the ones that are for no particular reason.

I’m excited about the details of the wedding.  The fun things that are being put together – the details that other folks are helping me with.
The ideas.
I love ideas.
I had no idea how much I missed creativity – how that part of me has felt dampened for so long.

Has this wedding woken me up?
I’m not sure, but I know I don’t want this side to go away again.
For too long I’ve been driven by the analytical – and anyone can tell you that that’s just not who I am.
I’m not even sure how it happened.
For a paycheck?  For a roof over my head?
All good reasons, but when did that become ALL of it?

I miss the me that has a soundtrack to life.
For a while now I’ve even stopped singing on the way to work in the morning.
WHO is that person that’s stopped singing?
I don’t know.
I really don’t.
But I’m going to find the one that did sing.

I’m not sure what Nick will think of this.
Especially since I’m not sure where it’s leading me.
I’m willing to work for a paycheck in something I hate for now.
But perhaps it’s even he that has inspired me to aim higher. 
He loves what he does.
And has no idea what a liberty that is.
And I’m going to find something to do that I love.
And hopefully I’ll be good at it as well… as that always helps the success part.

Does it make it easier having backup?
Of course.
People reading this are no idiots.
I couldn’t afford to do it without his support. 

But I do have his support.
And I have this awakening desire in me to find ME – a person I didn’t even realize was lost.

Now.
Well.
Now I just have to figure out where to start.