Fatalist.
July 31, 2009
Soul Mates.
I wonder where the idea came from – this notion that two people are absolutely MEANT for each other because ‘it feels so right’ and ‘feels like I’ve known him/her forever…’
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in soul mates.
But, on a much more boring basis.
Simply put, I believe there are people I’m supposed to meet in my lifetime.
Both good and bad.
You can’t learn lessons without a kick in the ass, nor have faith in people without a hand up once you’ve fallen.
You can’t learn forgiveness, can’t learn empathy, can’t learn to knit…
Oh.
Well.
You get the idea.
But. The best kind of soul mates are the friends that get your morbid sense of humor.
And add to it.
The people that get so mad they could Cuba.
And the people that run through the prop stores testing out clown shoes with you.
And the people that… well, this concerns one person today… that absolutely know where that line in the sand is and cross it just to see what will happen.
The person that threatens to buy you sugar-free, gluten-free, broccoli flavored protein panties for your lingerie shower.
The person that wants to play “Pin the dick on Nick” at your wedding shower.
The person that wants to make a ‘beating the bride’ pinata for your future spouse.
I’m actually a little curious about the pinata… hopefully he’d laugh the inappropriate laugh that I do at the idea.
Hmm.
I wonder if there is an appropriate way to do that when I’m around?
Probably not.
Regardless.
This has given someone I know great incentive to open her own event planning business…
That caters to people like me.
I could be the partner in crime.
I wouldn’t be able to contribute to the GREAT ideas, but I’m great at execution.
Hmm.
I shall have to think on this more…
Because I’m sick and wordless…
July 30, 2009
Falling in love is like owning a dog
an epithalamion by Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com
First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
especially in a city like New York.
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
when you’re walking down the street late at night
and you have a leash on love
ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!
Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise.
It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
It pulls you in several different directions at once,
or winds around and around you
until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.
Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.
A snort.
July 27, 2009
My friend V tweets: “Why do creationists wear shoes and socks? Are their intelligently designed feet not intelligently designed enough?”
Some things I KNOW I’m going to hell for laughing at.
Bad taste for the wedding prop box, but a fitting image for this post...
Accomplishing… finally.
July 27, 2009
This weekend I got into gear a bit.
It’s not that I accomplished tons, it’s that I started on the mega list I have left.
Priced some organza – wanted to price some more at Walmart only to discover that our Walmart is self-destructing by redesign. It’s an interesting project – one that allows you to search for construction paper among the aisles of goldfish.
I couldn’t find ANYTHING.
Went to the props store – that’s a ton of fun.
You see – there will be props at my wedding – and since the final idea isn’t in my head yet, you guys will simply have to know that my wedding reception will involve a rubber chicken.
Yes.
I said a rubber chicken.
But no chicken dance…
Hmm.
I may have to bring that one back, just for the poor chicken’s sake.
Nah.
But that part was the most fun I’ve had since starting to plan this event – I can’t begin to tell you what a blast it was.
I’ve given up control on the shoes and are letting the girls just go for it, and I’m trying to relax in areas that really don’t make a darned bit of difference.
It’s a weird experience for me.
This weekend was awkward on the personal front too -
I wonder how living together after almost 3 years apart is going to go.
Not badly, just differently – or at least that’s my expectation.
It’s a lot more old-fashioned than I had expected our relationship to head, but that suits us in a way.
I’m less traditional – Nick’s super traditional… it’s a meet in the middle sort of thing.
He won’t let me set up a dance down the aisle, but he won’t stop me from making the reception enjoyable.
As a matter of fact, I think only Krista and I really know more about the details at the reception – our daily phone call consists of ways to make people go ‘huh?’ when they’re there…
Or mostly ways for me to enjoy myself that most weddings don’t have.
It may not be fun in the way that mega adult parties are fun, but it’s a step above face painting. Not that I don’t like face painting.
So it should be interesting to see both my parents and my in-laws discover everything as it comes together.
Luckily they don’t get a vote in the overallness of it.
They do, but they don’t – I’m the final say in this, unless Nick waves his Veto Wand, in which case he wins.
It’s not fair, but it’s easier to live with a happier L-man than an unhappy one.
No angry Cubas in my house.
Yes, I meant Cubas.
All in all, the best thing is that I’m MOVING period.
Accomplishing.
DOING SOMETHING.
Let’s hope this pattern continues, because the sheer amount of stuff in my house right now is a little overwhelming…
What wedding planning REALLY looks like.
I don’t like clutter.
But it will all have a place to go… eventually.
I wait very impatiently for that day.
From Mrs. Champagne’s post on weddingbee.com today
July 24, 2009
Wow.
If there is ever a set of words or a feeling I’d want to carry in to my big day, something along those lines would be it.
Just reading that took away some of my nervousness – and it’s not even to me!
I know feelings like that don’t carry over into the every day – there is no possible way that that romance can hang around during air conditioners breaking, car problems, crying babies and what not.
But it definitely makes a difference when it’s there in the beginning – in the first minutes of that journey – it can help you remember later what you’re fighting for.
So, congrats to this totally unknown person, whose guy went out of the way to make those moments before totally warm and fuzzy.
Steamy wishes.
July 23, 2009
Is it just me, or is a little chilly around here for a July day?
It’s not that they are cold.
They aren’t. Um. Well. Mostly.
It’s that people won’t stop telling me I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
And it’s nothing personal to me or Nick.
They are talking about THEIR marriages and THEIR lives and how if THEY could do it all over again, well, they wouldn’t.
Happily married people are too busy with day to day stuff to scream about how this will be the best decision I’ve ever made and how it’ll be so awesome…
I guess because even if it’s true, it’s still going to be hard.
And we’re good.
We enjoyed the time with Father Greg.
We enjoyed the engagement party that no one got pictures of us at.
And then my wedding dress came in yesterday and I put it on and danced around the room, never wanting to take it off, loving that feeling, that image in my head of how I think I look in it, hoping Nick agrees come October…
And then my heart leapt.
October.
Is awfully close to September.
Which is pretty close to August.
Which is basically tomorrow.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
How can cold feet not equal bad thoughts?
But they don’t.
They just are the same cold feet I get before making job changes.
Before making lifestyle changes.
Before making ANY large change… just slightly bigger because this kind of combines them all.
And I don’t have doubts.
I just have panic.
And I can’t quite make it go away.
And I don’t know why it’s less about the marriage and more about the wedding.
This mental image of me freezing mid-aisle only to run like a crazy person to get away from it all.
Not him, not the marriage.
But the center of attention.
I do NOT want to be the center of attention when it’s not on my terms.
And in this rambling craziness I have to ask why it isn’t on my terms.
Why all of this breathes and moves on its own.
Couldn’t someone else stand in for me?
Or could I stand behind a curtain?
Preferably with Nicholas, as I’d like to have him see me in my dress.
Do I have to meet and greet and love and hug and think and plan and pay and dance and BE IN THE MIDDLE of everything?
I long for my warm socks.
Vomit.
July 22, 2009
My dress came in today.
It’s gorgeous and I love it.
And.
The countdown is giving me a heart attack… Rather like heading up the first hill on a roller coaster… All slow and clanky…
Pan
Ick.
But the good kind that spells excitement.
Still can’t quite manage it.
July 22, 2009
People keep dying this week, so I’ve been rather distracted.
Add that to a co-worker that is on her vaca in Vegas… and two others that are off all week and I’ve been quite busy.
K and Amanda need to make sure I have the weekend’s pictures. It’s sad, but I don’t have a single picture of Nick and I together so far.
I suppose I will have to beg the family because I’ve got nothing and I SHOULD have something from our engagement party.
Made myself feel better last night looking at my to do list.
Some things are Right Nows and some aren’t nearly that urgent. Urgent but not nearly.
Missing my kid.
I’m distancing myself a bit this week as the stress rolls in.
Like I said, deaths suck.
And my grandmother moving sucks.
And I’m keeping my head above the water by staying busy at work and sleeping once I get home.
I’m just SO TIRED.
Tired doesn’t equal in shape though, so I have to get off my tail.
This picture made me laugh – It’s so… exactly me.
It's not fair that my groom is skinnier than me.
Blessed.
July 19, 2009
This weekend.
One of those weekends where you realize that perhaps there are more angels on Earth than you originally thought.
Cheesy but true.
The party was wonderful and more detailed than even my wedding plans are at the moment. Everything was DIY and thoughtful.
And I’ll share more later about this joint party Nick and I shared with Ginny and Stephen, but for now I’ll leave you with one picture of the cake Nick’s cousin made and the glasses the decorated in both weddings’ colors.
Dancin’ with myse-elf
July 17, 2009
Why do some words and phrasing never write quite as they sound?
Been wedding counseling the past few days.
It’s fantastic.
It’s amazing to see how much we’ve actually discussed and put into practice – and how much of it we owe to “Love and Respect”. An amazing book.
It’s neat to hear Father Greg ask a question, have me give a response and have him turn to Nick and have Nick say that he totally agrees with my statement about him, or that we’re in agreement on certain things for our married life.
Some of it obviously not.
But I’m so lucky.
So damned lucky.
Finding this sort of relationship is RARE, folks.
And I can get upset with him just as you can get upset with anyone, but the man’s life really is absolutely influenced by loving me and wanting the best for me – and my happiness.
That’s special.
Another special thing?
My wedding dress arrived at the salon today!
Granted, they have to ship it to me, but did you hear me?
MY. WEDDING. DRESS.
I’m stunned.
I have a wedding dress.
I have a wedding dress because I’m having a wedding.
Holy crap! I’m having a wedding!
(breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.)
Today is one of those days where I feel like I’m lit up with a thousand little sparkling lights, each one representing one happy/excited/enthusiastic thought.
I love this age.
I love who I am.
I love the people in my life.
I don’t love everything in my life, but I definitely love the opportunity to change that.
Today is definitely a dancing kind of day.
